Why Denying Your Feelings Weakens You

What if I were to tell you that your emotional Self is an amazing source of all your personal power? Does that sound like an exaggeration?And I use the term ‘power’ here in its truest form: capability, potential, capacity for healthy relating, talent and skills. Not power acquired by privilege, by a corrupt system, by money or by gender. This type of power is open to abuse and other people suffer because of it.We have seen recently the shock response to exposure of sexual abuse within the Hollywood film industry and recognised how others within a warped system were complicit: warped because the system is set up in such a way as to perpetuate the abuse of power with its glorification of those at the top.As an individual you too are a ‘system’: comprising a physical body, a brain/mind and also an emotional Self. To function optimally you need to understand how your ‘system’ works, how each part contributes toward the whole. How, when one of these aspects is ignored or denied then, you too will experience a kind of distortion.In order for your physical body to function well and not to break down (experience dis-ease) then you must nourish it with a healthy diet, sufficient exercise, adequate recovery time and sleep.All personal growth we might wish for our Self begins with awareness. I like to think it begins with simply ‘noticing’.Notice how you think and talk about your Self. Discover how this stems from your beliefs, some of them unexamined. You will have taken a big step forward.


If you can also learn how to communicate in an assertive manner, then it’s likely that your future path toward whatever success you may desire will be smoother.After Self-awareness comes acceptance and then understanding. Now we are delving deeper into this magical but natural ‘system’ that is you.But surely by now you will realise that the deepest aspect of you (and me and everyone else) is your emotional Self. It is this aspect whose connections stretch way back to childhood.I hope you can appreciate that unless you can learn how to relate to this fundamental aspect of you, then potentially it can be a ‘spanner in the works!’Your emotional Self is also the major, and often hidden, cause of distortion in the ‘system’ that is you. Why might that be I hear you ask? Or maybe, instinctively and intuitively you know, or can take a good guess at, the truth.Is it any wonder that you, like most people, find it so difficult to accept your emotional Self? It is into this deep, dark part of your soul you must go if you are to heal any past hurts. But the irony of it is that to heal your hurts you must revisit them and there’s the rub.To choose this route is to step onto the threshold of pain. Instinctively you know it’s going to hurt and so you, and most other people, will avoid it like the plague.And you can be amazingly creative in the ways you find to justify not going there. You may have spent much of your life involved with all kinds of activities that take up so much time of your time, your energy is all spoken for.You may also have devised, often unconsciously, ways of creating drama in your lives that take priority. This drama may be physical, in the world around you wherever you happen to be. It may continually rear its head in your intimate relationships, or it may be a certain long-standing attitude you have held.An unexamined belief may be held to be a truth, when in fact it may only be your ‘truth’. The root cause of any difficulties you experience in your relationships or your life in general you often may believe is out there in someone or something else.You may see yourself as a genuine caring person and be the first to admit you are not perfect, but in the next breath you tell yourself you are ‘only human’ and any foibles you may own up to are made light of: they are idiosyncrasies, to be laughed off or sighed about, whereas you might truly fail to see the effect they have on others.In this way you may fall into a habit of judging others without realising that, this too, is another diversionary tactic to avoid looking too closely at your Self.If you become judgemental, you may struggle to accept so much about others and the world.In so doing you might deprive yourself of much that could bring you pleasure and closeness.You take yourself on a merry dance away from the pain.


When this becomes a pattern in your life, you fail to understand that the one person you are judging the most and finding the hardest to accept is your Self.You may be crying out for love, understanding and acceptance inside but, for whatever reason, you have never learnt how to give it to your Self.So, if this rings any bells for you, how do you begin to break this particular pattern? You stop looking out there in the world for what is not right; there will always be things, even people, we wish were different.First of all, you accept that the emotional YOU is the inner aspect of the ‘system’ that is creating the distortion. Your emotional Self is crying out for attention and understanding. Not allowed any recognition or release, it is often the prime cause of your physical and mental ‘pain’, maybe even the problems in your relationship.So what can you do? First of all you accept that this is so: that to function fully, naturally, you must embrace all aspects of your Self. And then you begin the inner journey with the help of someone who understands where you are.You open the door to your pain and step, ever so gently, over the threshold and into the darkness.You begin to learn how to accept, understand, appreciate and love the whole of your Self. This is when you will come to recognise and appreciate how powerful you are.